Cars and Technology

We've done it to ourselves I suspect. I'm almost certain it all started with a conversation, probably between Bill Gates and Steve Jobs in the early 80's that went something like this:

BG:  ""Hey Stevie, what if we could develop a computer system that would insure that every automobile owner knew EXACTLY when to change their oil, rotate their tires and replace their air filters.  Wouldn't that be cool?  Wouldn't that save people a lot of money for unnecessary repairs due to neglecting routine maintenance?"

SJ:  "I think you are on to something Gatesy.  We could make the case that no automobile should be sold without these on-board computing systems and we get a little slice out of the purchase price of every car sold on planet earth.  I guess there's a reason they're going to call you a BILLionaire".

BG:  "WOW.  Its all becoming so clear to me Steve-O-Reno:  We tie the computers together so that even government employees can use them to monitor what is happening with the peep's cars, like the DMV in the State of California, to alert them to unsafe driving conditions or cars that over pollute.  Mechanics would only need to be able to decipher the output from the on-board computer to trouble shoot repairs.  I think it would save folks lots and lots of money since less time would be spent tracing down nagging problems and the computer would give the mechanics step-by-step instructions on how to fix it."

SJ:  "Gatesy, old buddy, we could piggy back on that computer system and add stuff that we haven't even invented yet like satellite radio, navigation systems, and a whole bunch of "i" shit that is rolling around in my brain like dollar coins in the U.S. Mint.  Hell, we could replace the auto mechanics of today with McDonald's counter help and call them "technicians".  Every car dealership and auto repair shop in the world would need another computer just to read the on-board ones and think about the software; regular updates, added features, new versions - all of it with annual subscriptions and of course upcharges for the latest and greatest.  We're gonna be RICH!"

BG:  "Hold on there Stevemeister.  I plan to give away all my money someday after I've enjoyed the holy hell out of it, assuming there is no Depression ahead of us, so I really want this system to be a total money saver for Joe Six Pack.  I am envisioning a planet full of non-polluting automobiles achieving 100 miles per gallon of gas that provides the safest form of transportation ever known to man.  I can see this computer system managing a network of inflatable pillows that protect the occupants in the unlikely event of a collision should the computerized warning system somehow malfunction. I'll bet we could even figure out a way to make the cars parallel park themselves.   I think we can drive down the cost of maintenance while insuring safer, cleaner cars with these computers.  I'm excited.  I have to get to work on it right away.  Are you with me?"

SJ:  "Sure thing good buddy.  Just as soon as I get my guys started on my super secret Walkman Replacement Project I'm there."

Fast forward to 2011.  My six year old Honda Pilot with 105,000 miles and in need of a smog certificate so that I could dutifully pay my next year's registration fee is delivered by me to my local, trusted auto repair shop.  I already know that the "Check Engine" light has been glaring at the driver (typically my wife) as it has for the 3 months since the Honda dealer told me I could ignore it until the inevitable smog check since it was determined by the "computer" to be related to the emission control system.  In fact the "code" indicated that most likely 1 of 3 Catalytic Converters on the SUV were in need of replacement but continuing to drive the vehicle would create no additional challenges.  I handed my keys to the service writer, shared with him my understanding of what the Honda dealer had previously told me about the meaning of the glowing light on my dashboard and walked away with my estimate for $240 to change the oil, perform the smog "inspection" and replace the battery that failed in my driveway that morning.  Of course, they would phone me with the update and revised estimate since they knew the beacon indicating Check Engine meant something, they just couldn't tell me what until the complete diagnostic check had been completed.

No sooner then when I returned to my office did I receive a phone call from the service writer with "Good News".  Apparently there was a "Service Bulletin" that existed in some obscure electronic format indicating that this particular model of vehicle suffered from some false positive readings of the on-board computer that indicated the Catalytic Converter had failed but in reality was triggered by misfires in any one of the six cylinders.  The recommendation was to perform a "valve job" (which for humans is called a "colonoscopy") at the low cost of $550 which was, of course, much cheaper than a new Catalytic Converter for $850.  After the valve job the SUV would need to have the computer "re-programmed" by the Honda dealer (they apparently possess some highly classified equipment or whatever to complete that task) after which we needed to drive the vehicle for at least 50 miles before the computerized smog check could be completed and hopefully allow for the ability to re-register my car with the State of California.  He went on to tell me that had this problem been discovered before the SUV had 60,000 miles, it would have been covered under warranty as a defect but since I had 105,000 miles they no longer considered that to be the case.  After having the service writer explain to me that my suggestion of rolling back the odometer was illegal and that, in fact, the big brother computer system would record that little transgression for any subsequent owner I reluctantly agreed to the valve job.

I picked the vehicle up from the repair shop that evening with the understanding that the smog inspection could not be completed until I put 50 miles on the SUV with the cross your fingers hope that the Check Engine light stayed in its current condition - OFF.  My wife and I drove the Pilot to meet some friends for dinner and the nerve wracking 10 mile trip up the freeway presented no change in the status of the ominous light.

I don't remember exactly where on the return trip it happened but I do remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach (which I initially thought was related to the fried chicken I was not accustomed to consuming) when the red-orange light that slightly resembles a human heart that was just ripped out of its owner signaled for my attention.  Hoping that the problem was with the light, all the while having the intuition that it wasn't even possible, I returned the Pilot to the repair shop the following morning.  Less than an hour later I received the follow up phone call advising me that, in fact, one of the 3 Catalytic Converters was being identified by the computer as having failed and that in order to pass the smog inspection it would need to be replaced.  Being in the position of a condemned man choosing between a gun or a rope I acquiesced to the recommendation and authorized the additional expense, which I was assured would then allow for the successful smog test.

I picked the vehicle up later that day and after forking over $1,600 (including the generous AAA discount of 10%, not to exceed $50) I received a detailed explanation of the entire process complete with computer print outs and copies of service bulletins along with my passing report card for DMV.  Hell, they even drug the failed Catalytic Converter out so I could see the damaged components, which in a typically masculine gesture I nodded my complete understanding although I could have better comprehended Nuclear Fission at that juncture.  The counter person handed me a bag of generic caramel corn and a coupon for a free car wash as a parting gift.  After all, it is the holiday season.

I found myself longing for the days when I could change my own oil and spark plugs of my 1965 Ford Mustang with a standard socket set and well used drip pan in my driveway; when I paid $2,800 for a Brand New Ford Pinto in 1972.  Then I remembered there was no bluetooth hook-up for my mobile phone in those cars.

It Makes You Think

After reading my blog about INSURANCE my soon to be 40 year old daughter sent me an email:  "... OMG, are we really spending that much on insurance?  I thought this was supposed to be funny?"  My response to her is the very crux of why I am endeavoring to pour my guts out to the readers of these epistles about the many complex issues of our day to day lives : "It's supposed to make you think and apparently I've accomplished my task.  I intend to cover all the emotions, not just humor.  My goal is to make readers laugh, cry, get angry, be sympathetic and take action."

After a joyous weekend celebrating Thanksgiving (twice) and attending my heretofore mentioned daughter's premature (by a few weeks) 40th birthday party we returned home from our multi-day jaunt around California's Orange and San Diego Counties to an ominous email from the wife of a dear friend. "Fred is really not well enough to call ..." the email closed with this sobering phrase.  Now, I have changed my friend's name here to protect his closely guarded privacy but I can't change the facts, as much as I might desire.  Knowing that my friend has had an up and down battle with a serious illness I was fearing the worst.  I sent a follow up email hoping to learn more and later made a phone call to "Fred's" wife.  What I knew before that telephone conversation was that my friend had battled and, for more than 10 years, held at bay perhaps the most confronting enemy most of us boomers face, Cancer.  Originally he had been diagnosed with a somewhat rare type of abdominal Cancer that responded successfully to treatment.  A little more than a year ago the Cancer reoccurred in his lungs as a metastases of the disease previously believed in remission.  After some intensive chemotherapy and a full course of targeted radiation Fred and his family were hopeful the worst was behind.  However, a followup scan revealed some newly identified lesions in his brain.  The recommendation, in which Fred  engaged optimistically and with all the enthusiasm he could muster, was to have a very intense form of radiation therapy targeted at those lesions festering inside his skull.

My brief conversation with Fred's wife confirmed my assumption that this most recent attempt to blast away the abnormal cells did not succeed.  The conversation ended with Fred's wife bravely explaining they were following the latest recommendation of the physicians, hospice care, which I have come to learn over my lifetime is the equivalency of the doctors throwing up their hands and waiving a white flag.  Now Fred is a strong man; He fights this battle with more grace and dignity than one could imagine; He has held his head high in the sea of doubt all the while grabbing the life preserver of Positive Mental Attitude; Fred might just beat this yet; There are incredibly high odds against him.

I went to see Fred yesterday.  He is surrounded by loving family and friends that are doing their utmost to keep his spirits high and his view firmly fixed on the goal of survival.  We had a good conversation all the while avoiding the elephant in the room.  We talked about the weather, politics, the real estate market and the ills of our society.  We brazenly slandered the common enemy we have both faced over these past many years:  The Big "C".  When I left Fred I didn't say goodbye but assured him I would see him again soon.  As I shook his hand upon leaving the table where he was seated the look in his eyes gave me reason to pause.  I wasn't immediately sure what he was trying to communicate but I couldn't get his gaze out of my mind.  When I awoke this morning after processing the experience in my dream state I was sure of the meaning.  It wasn't fear and it wasn't sorrow, it seemed, but defeat.  It made me very sad now that I have had the opportunity to think about it.

Other than grandparents and relatives of friends that passed for the most part from expected causes due to their advanced ages, I was only touched by death in a very cursory way during the first 55 years of my life.  My parents are both still alive, in their 80's, as are my 6 siblings.  I was aware of acquaintances and co-workers that died at different times during my adult life but save for one caring young woman that lost her battle with brain Cancer I was not particularly close to any of them. 

The shit storm started in earnest for me about 3 years ago.  Among the confrontational events, my mother-in-law died of stomach cancer on New Year's Eve 2008. My only son, Geoffrey, died in October, 2010 (read my blog) from Lymphoma after previously battling Hodgkin Disease.  I was diagnosed with tongue Cancer in January of this year and had a series of surgeries to defend against that intruder. I attended my 40th high school reunion this past summer and found that many of my high school contemporaries and/or their spouses were no longer with us, most of those missing succumbing to Cancer in one form or another.  I am well aware that many of my friends make trips to their oncologist and various infusion centers part of their daily routines.  I've heard the argument that we are turning the war on Cancer in our favor, that if we just invest a few Jillion more dollars into research and the development of new drugs and treatment protocols that Cancer may exist only in whatever form of electronic media takes the place of history books in the future; that the numbers of people afflicted with Cancer are greater than ever before primarily because we have developed more and better techniques for discovering the runaway cells.  I'm not sure I buy it.  The rate of Cancer incidence continues to increase while the death rate seems to be falling slightly, the number of people that die from Cancer has shown no improvement over the last decades as our population increases offset the reduction in the rate at which those infected are claimed by the insidious disease.

My son died last year from the same type of Lymphoma (Diffuse Large B Cell) that I was diagnosed with in 1998.  There is no other genetic link.   None of my brothers or sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces or nephews ever had the disease.  I scratch my head in wonder as I have a difficult time accepting the argument of coincidence.  Geoff was raised for the first 10 years of his life in a neighborhood that had previously been agricultural land in the the city of Irvine.  No doubt, now banned chemicals in the form of pesticides, fertilizers, herbicides and the like were liberally applied to the soil that became the base upon which homes, parks and schools were built.  We now know that our soldiers and sailors that served in Vietnam have and continue to develop various Cancers at rates that far outweigh the statistical probabilities of coincidence to the point that for certain types of cancers "it is presumed by the Veterans Health Service that your cancer is a result of your service." according to the United States Department of Veteran's Affairs.  The causation of this proliferation of Cancer among those in Vietnam is thought to be Agent Orange exposure.  Agent Orange contained chemicals referred to as Dioxins.  Dioxins are thought to be a probable carcinogen.  Dioxins were a common in herbicides and defoliants that were used domestically until they were deemphasized beginning in the mid 1980's.

It makes you think.